GOD

When I was a little girl, I was Baptized and brought up in the religious affiliation of Roman Catholicism. Being a rambunctious 4 old in my dark blue silk Sunday School dress with white ruffles, I didn't have a care in the world. I just wanted to color that cool picture of Jesus or St. Paul. My only concern was trying to stay inside the lines.

The year I turned 7, I was brought to live with my aunt from my mothers side. She had thought it to be a great idea to have me and my younger brother attend a Seventh Day Adventist Church. It was hard for me to conform to a different set of rules while attending the church. It was emotionally harder because I always thought that going to church was supposed to be a family affair. Growing up in a small town in Northern California, you were sneered at if your entire family didn't attend church come Saturday morning. My brother and I were dropped off on the sidewalk ever Saturday at 7am and picked up at 1pm after the church potluck. As for eating meat which I had become accustomed to as a little girl, forget about it! I did muster enough courage to ask my aunt why she didn't attend church with me and my brother. Her response was less than disappointing. She felt that she had paid her dues as a child. Since when did church become an obligation?

Between Pathfinders, youth groups and outings, we were surrounded by religion and our world engulfed in the teachings of the way of the Adventist.

The summer I turned 17, I was forced to move out and start living for myself. As your average teenage girl, my emotions were like a roller coaster. I felt that if my parental figures considered me adult enough to move out, then I needn't to no longer attend church. I stopped going and more than willingly gave up the religious world altogether. I no longer wanted any part of it. It had left a sour taste in my mouth. I had given up on God, as I felt he had given up on me.

Throughout life my faith has been tested many times. The hardest part for me to comprehend was how people use God as an excuse or a crutch for their mistakes. For example; if you take your classic drug addict and either throw them in jail or put them through rehab, when all is lost and they have hit rock bottom, almost overnight they become a whole new person who has turned over a new leaf. They find God! They preach to the world about how God has saved them from their sins. They talk about how God has washed away all their transgressions. Come three months down the road, God isn't present in their minds or hearts anymore. They're not thinking about how to spread The Word so that God can work for others as he has in them. Oh no, they're thinking about that next hit, that 40 oz. in a brown paper bag, or that next hustle. Then just like that, God is gone as if he never existed in the first place. Maybe six months later he will reappear when they are back where they started. Rock Bottom.

Having seen this over and over again, I had decided that organized religion was not worth my time. The orderly church and the so-called people of religion have become so convoluted. So much negativity has come out of religion. People love, cry and die by their faith. Faith alone has lead many people (including myself) to question God in times of devastation.

As an adult I had attended a few Christian churches, some Catholic churches and one Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have not committed myself to any one religion and don't plan on it anytime soon. This makes me a perfect target for those who like to recruit new members to their churches. I found organized religion very contradictory. Yes; follow the 10 commandments and just believe; that alone will get you into heaven. But the deeper you get into any specific religion, the more rules apply in order for you to make up to those puffy white clouds.

I'm not trying to paint a disdain picture of organized religion, or detour avid believers by any means. God and organized religion has many benefits as well. I always felt a little empty without the belief of God, so my faith always remained. My affiliation however was always in question, which is why I choose not to attend church. Many realists will say that believing in God makes you naive. I like being naive. Being naive helps me not think negatively or become overwhelmed by life.

Now that I'm older, I longer concerned myself with attaching myself to any specific religion. I figure that God (assuming he exists), would want me to be happy. My childhood religious influences have provided me with a good foundation, which I believe everyone should have. However, as for picking a religion to follow, I choose not to go that route.