Dad

In the past few months, my father and I have become a little closer. It started when my curiosity to find out about my family history and where our family originated from became my immediate goal. What started as a personal interest, has know turned into a quest to assure that my father passes on without any more regret. It surprisingly only took me a couple of weeks, but I did end up finding a lot of history about our family's origin. Cuba is where it started, and my grandfather came over here to the United States from what I believe was most likely an attempt to free himself and his family from the grasp of the Communist rule of Castro.

After doing extensive research through Ancestry.com in hopes to find my grandfather, grandmother and aunt; I have been successful at finding my grandfather so far. The quest continues. He passed away in Florida in 1997 at age 80. After seeing this information, I began to think of my dad and how it would make him feel. I knew that he would be filled with regret for not having mended their relationship that was broken when my father was 18 years old. After hearing that I found his late father, my dad was happy and grateful, but however was also sad about this for a couple of days in knowing that he never got to say goodbye.

My father has never been the perfect father and he knows this. He has made many mistakes that he cannot take back. Now that I'm an adult, I've realized what kind of people I want in my life and what kind of people I don't. I quickly forgive those who ask it of me and who know they've made a mistake and wish to correct and make amends.

After 12+ years of not speaking to my father, we slowly started talking about 4 or so years ago. I still felt uncomfortable attending family functions, which is why I never really went. My younger brother at age 17, due to some clash in personalities with the family rasing him decided to live with my father.

Now back to my point because I'm detouring from what I'm trying to say here. One of my brothers of whom I haven't spoken to since I was about 14 years old has accepted me into his home to meet his family for the first time. I was so nervous, scared and unsure of where it would lead. While there, I ate & fidgeted, which happens to be a nervous habit. The meeting went well and better than I had expected for a 10 year separation and still many questions unanswered.

Recently I've expressed a great deal of frustration and sadness to my dad. I've been frustrated at the fact that I've been trying to put this family back together, and for some reason I don't have people in my corner supporting my cause. In a phone conversation with my dad, he expressed to me how incredible grateful he is for finding his father and he fully supports my quest to mend a broken family.

I understand that it is way too early to ask my brother to meet my father. They haven't seen each other in over 15 years. For me there are so many unanswered questions as to why all this absence. But right now, I don't care. I want to form a relationship with my older brother and things have crossed the path, making it difficult to press forward.

It is my quest to put my family back together. It is further my quest to bring my older brother and my father back together after a 15 year absence. I understand that it could be a long shot, but it never hurts to try. I do this now because I don't want my father to have any more regret before he's gone. I further don't want my older brother to bear the same regret that my father bears. It's a deep rooted one and if I can help it, I want to assure that forgiveness is present. I want my brother's family to support this cause any way possible because I know my brother's girlfriend and son are his solid foundation! I do this more for my father because my older brother and I have more time to grow a relationship than my brother with my father. My father isn't deathly ill, but I also don't know how long he has left. I don't want to pressure nor make this an uncomfortable event for the both of them, which is why I'm gently pushing things along rather than throwing them together. I want them both to want it first. My father does, but I'm not going to pressure my brother in case he choose not to, and in turn gets upset at me for making such an attempt.

So at this time, I've decided that I would back away for now and if it's meant to be the course of events will unfold. This quest is not just for my personal gain. My father knows that I've done this for him mostly. I guess that's all that really matters. I love you dad.